I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
