How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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