My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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