thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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