i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I will be naked everywhere
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
