I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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