you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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