It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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