there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
