Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
