You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
