i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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