This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
honey bunches of taint.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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