I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
