I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
