Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
