I hate all girls vehemently.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
