You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
