Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
