Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
