how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
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If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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