i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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