Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
