we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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