My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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