Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize