She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
