I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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