I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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