what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
