LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
