Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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