And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
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That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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