guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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