Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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