i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
