Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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