try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
