how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
