True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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