we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
