Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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