You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
