wat bout pragnant strippers??
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
