oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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