Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
