so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
