So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
