Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize
