Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
