so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Enjoy the penises
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
