one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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