Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
