Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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