Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
