the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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