I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
