Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
