His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
