In the future we'll all be gay
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
