You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
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Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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