so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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