Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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