I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
