she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
