My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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