why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
