just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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