living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
