Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
