is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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