I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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