Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Text me some of your sweat
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
