i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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