being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He passed out mid-signature
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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