She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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