you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
