I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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