Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
