at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
